POPPED FOR POOP
Florida cops caught a crappy crook red-handed last week -- or, more accurately, caught him brown-handed.
Timothy Chelikas was busted after hopping a wall at a ranch in Port St. Lucie in order to steal a load of cow manure. While that might sound like a stinky idea, Chelikas was just looking for a money-saving way to boost his mushroom crop.
Chelikas was charged with trespassing after a ranch employee reported his actions to police -- which some might call the actions of a stool pigeon.
Source: WPTV
THAT GOT HER GOAT!
A Colorado teenager got some ba-a-a-a-ad news at this year's state fair when she had to relinquish first prize in an agricultural show -- because her goat tested positive for an illegal drug.
Maggie Weinroth allegedly hopped up her little critter on a steroid usually used to add muscle to hogs -- pumping Theodore up to an impressive 83 pounds and winning a $5500 grand prize. Maggie's mom says that she and her daughter are planning to appeal, implying that a competitor sabotaged Theodore's feed with the substance.
Talk about being on the horns of a dilemma!
Source: San Jose Mercury News
GETTING REAL BANG FOR HIS BUCK
A Florida man was so upset about taking a hit from an ATM that he decided to return the favor -- punching the machine's screen and shattering it.
Joel Gaudreault of Vero Beach was charged with criminal mischief after police said he damaged the cash-dispensing machine because he was upset about the high fee being requested. An attendant at the gas station where the machine was housed said that Gaudreault began yelling at the machine, then hauled off and smacked it.
The machine was knocked off line briefly, but it's Gaudreault who went down for the count -- heading off to a jail cell where he was held overnight.
Source: UPI
IT'S NOT EASY BUYING GREEN
A New Mexico woman was arrested last week for placing a personal ad on Craigslist, saying she was seeking a "casual encounter" -- with a nice, friendly bag of marijuana.
Anamicka Dave used her ad to say she was new to Santa Fe, and was hoping to hook up with "Mary Jane" -- a move one police spokesperson said was "so blatant [that] I wanted to be sure it wasn't one of our guys trying to do a reverse sting."
Another cop ended up answering the ad and summoning Dave to a parking lot, where she had a casual encounter with a pair of handcuffs and a patrol car.
Source: MSNBC
THINGS YOU WON'T MISS ABOUT COLLEGE
It's easy to think back to college days and wish you could relive all the fun times with your friends, but sometimes we get lost in our nostalgia and forget about the parts of university life which were better left on campus. Like ...
Being broke all the time
Feeling like you had to go out to the bar or party with all friends -- even though you would have rather been in bed
Being a regular at every bar and club within your college town
Worrying about not fitting in
Lack of personal space
Messy roommates and living in filth (LoveTwenty.com)
THINGS HE LOVES TO HEAR
According to YourTango, here are some phrases that men love to hear:
"You look great." -- This is an especially good compliment if he's been going to the gym. C'mon ... Why do you think he's doing all that working out?
"That woman just checked you out." -- Yes, this helps his self-confidence. But it also shows that you're confident enough to know that he won't be lured away.
"You're right." -- When he is right, it's nice to tell him, especially if you were arguing. Sure, it's tough to admit defeat, but it will make him feel good and show that you're reasonable.
"Will you help me unscrew this?" -- Men like to feel manly. Helping women with simple tasks makes them feel macho and noble.
5 Ways to Get Your Date to Put Down the Phone
(Galtime.com)
1. Practice what you preach: Put your own cellular device away. How can you get mad at your date if you indulge in the same bad behavior as he does? Quit constantly glancing at your phone. It makes you look anxious, like you have somewhere else to be or are waiting for a message from somebody. Also, don’t text. This may be the most annoying thing a person can do on a date. It tells your date that he does not have your full attention. Your top priority should be the person across the table from you. And above all, don’t take a call. We understand that emergencies happen; however, unless it is a loved one, let it go to voicemail.
2. Make a subtle comment: If he’s texting away every two minutes, say something like, "Well, aren’t you Mr. Popular?" Hopefully, he’ll hear the hint of sarcasm and put his phone back in his pocket for the remainder of the evening.
3. Just ask: Communication goes a long way in any relationship. Instead of making your date be a mind reader, just tell him that his constant cell phone use bothers you and that you would like your time with him to be intimate and personal. Sometimes the direct approach is the best approach.
4. Set limitations: Obviously you cannot ban cell phones from your relationship completely. Every once in a while, there will be an important work-related email, emergency or a friend in need. Tell him that on date night you would like his cell phone to be on silent and out of sight for the few hours you are at dinner or watching a movie together. Realize that when the two of you are just lounging around, you can’t expect him to shut himself off from the world. After all, while you should be the most important thing to him, don’t give him the idea that you think the world revolves around you. With reasonable limitations, your man should be willing to compromise.
5. Give him a taste of his own medicine: As a last resort, one day when you are doing something that he loves to do, pay a little more attention to your cellular device than to him. Text your girlfriends, check your Facebook, send an email and post a tweet. Keep this up until he says something to you about it. Maybe then he’ll understand what his "crackberry" addiction feels like to you.
Halloween: 5 Things Men Should Know
(Askmen.com)
1- Halloween is the second-largest commercial holiday in America
Second only to Christmas (and a far second at that), Halloween is a commercial juggernaut in America, as it's a time when people spend an estimated $6.9 billion annually on candy, costumes, decorations, and more. The holiday had much more modest beginnings in America. First celebrated in Colonial times by a few communities, it was still tied tightly to the harvest, and it featured fortune-telling and games on a communal level. Not until the 19th century’s immigrant influx did costumes and the concept of trick-or-treating reach American shores. And by the dawn of the 20th century, the holiday had lost many of its religious motifs, beginning instead to take shape as a commercial force to be reckoned with.
2- Halloween trick-or-treating originated from begging
The only real difference between begging and trick-or-treating is in perspective: The former is lowly, the latter is sanctioned. In fact, some U.S. states don’t hide it, calling Halloween "Beggars' Night," while some groups have campaigned against the practice, labeling it extortion. Although no documentary evidence exists, trick-or-treating resembles a practice known as "souling," once performed in the British Isles by poor people around November 1. They would go door to door begging for food; in exchange, they would offer to pray for the souls of the dead.
3- The devil provides the light in a jack-o'-lantern
Another thing men should know about Halloween is the fact that lighting the candle inside your carefully carved pumpkin is doing nothing less than introducing your porch to the fires of hell compliments of Satan, the original Red Menace. According to legend, a fellow named Stingy Jack twice played tricks on the devil, managing in the process to cut deals with him. The second of these deals was that he would not take Jack’s soul when he died.
4- The first jack-o'-lanterns were made from turnips
Nineteenth century Irish immigrants to America brought many traditions with them to their new country, and one of them was the jack-o'-lantern. In their case, however, it was a turnip carved out to make room for a light -- a practice in accord with the legend of Stingy Jack. Yet, according to the Ulster American Folk Park in County Tyrone, Northern Ireland, when those immigrants arrived in America they had trouble finding turnips, so they turned to a vegetable native to their new land: the pumpkin. The commercial success of the holiday then contributed to the spread of the traditions associated with this American interpretation.
5- Halloween was the ancient Celtic New Year's Eve
For the Celts, the new year began on November 1; or, in more drastic terms, it began at the traditional end of summer harvest and the onset of winter -- the seasonal commencement of death. On the night before, the Celts believed that the realms of both the living and the dead became fuzzy enough to permit dead spirits to create enormous problems, such as destroying crops meant to sustain them through the difficult winter months.
How Far Over the Speed Limit Do You Think You Can Go Without Getting Pulled Over?
You hear stories sometimes about your friends doing 27 miles-an-hour in a 25 zone and getting a ticket. And while that sucks for them . . . think of how many times people speed a little and DON'T get tickets.
--A new survey by Pemco Insurance asked drivers about the speeding "buffer zone" . . . that's the zone above the speed limit where cops won't bother pulling you over to give you a ticket. And here's what they found . . .
--50% of people say as long as you're going four miles-per-hour over the speed limit or less, you won't get a ticket.
--43% think the buffer zone is between five to nine miles-per-hour over the limit.
--5% think you're not going to get pulled over even for going 10 to 14 miles-per-hour over the limit.
--And 1% think cops only target MASSIVE speeders . . . so you'll be okay even going 15 to 19 miles-per-hour over the speed limit.
--If you add that up, it means 99% of people believe you're clear up to four miles-per-hour over . . . 49% believe you're clear up to nine miles-per-hour over . . . and 6% believe you're clear up to 14 miles-per-hour over.
--The survey also found that 13% of people say they often go over the speed limit . . . 38% do it sometimes . . . 41% rarely do it . . . and 8% of people claim they never go over the speed limit.
(Pemco)
Three Ways Your Job Is Killing You . . . While Making Your Boss Lose Money:
As if Mondays aren't depressing enough, CNBC.com has a list of ways your job is sucking the life out of you . . . and costing your boss money at the same time. Here are the top three.
#1.) You Can't Get Enough Sleep. If you consistently get less than seven hours a night, it can shorten your lifespan by years. And according to the Mayo Clinic, work-related stress is one of the main causes of insomnia.
--In a recent poll of over 7,000 people, 23% said they experience insomnia. But being tired obviously isn't a good enough excuse for calling in sick.
--And according to a study from Harvard Medical School, tired employees cost employers $63 billion in productivity a year.
#2.) You Have to Commute. According a Gallup poll, the average commute in the U.S. is 23 minutes. And if yours is longer than that, you're more likely to gain weight, have back pain, neck pain, and high cholesterol.
--And people who commute more than 90 minutes are more likely to suffer from anxiety. In the poll, 40% of them said they spend most of the day worrying. And obviously, that affects productivity.
#3.) Working Odd Hours Can Make You Gain Weight. Working the night shift or not having a regular schedule messes with your sleep cycle.
--And some research shows it can mess with your metabolism, and put you at a higher risk for diabetes and heart disease.
--In 2007, the International Agency for Research on Cancer even classified "shift work" as a "probable carcinogen" . . . just like engine exhaust. In other words, working nights might give you CANCER.
--And obviously if it messes with your sleep and you're always tired, that affects your job, and costs the company money.
(CNBC.com)
